You know the one, guys. Once you get to this side of 40 and if you don’t go through this on a regular basis it can kill you, you get used to the idea that a doctor is going to strap on those latex gloves, gel up and….
Enough! I had to go through it again this week and for whatever reason, the little side-details of the event really stood out. For example, I think it’s the only thing a doctor has ever done to me and, on a regular basis, apologized profusely for having to do it.
I remember one time as I stood in the position, ready to endure the pure 30-seconds of discomfort, I complained to the doc, “Man, I gotta tell you, I really hate this.” He quickly replied, “Hey, it’s not exactly a great view from back here!”
This week, while lamenting to the doctor, he said he understood. In fact, he said, “When my grandmother asks what I do for a living, I tell her I deliver pizzas.” He then went back to reminding me, “OK, breathe…that’s right, keep breathing….”
And all the while, during that uncomfortable yet necessary probing, the things that go through my mind are jokes that are based around the lower body. The two that came to mind this week ended with:
“My God, man, there are a dozen roses up here!” and the patient replied, “Read the card! Read the card!”
and the classic…..
“Never mind that. Help me find my car keys and we’ll drive out of here!”
I know it’s all a necessary process. I just have to get it through my head that by undergoing that incredibly uncomfortable minute of digital probing, it could keep me alive for many, many years to come….each year, featuring a doctor’s visit that will go like this. Hmmmmm, wait a minute….let me think this through…..