How to Host a Lutefisk Eating Contest

In action at Seafoodfest. Photo courtesy of MyBallard.com

I really don’t know how this happened.

But over the past three years, I’ve hosted four Lutefisk eating contests in the Ballard area—3 at the annual Seafoodfest and one at the Fisherman’s Fall Festival. 

Since this sport is growing so rapidly, I thought I’d arm you with a few of the lines I used last weekend, just in case you’re asked to be a future host.  Among the lines from year’s past and the 2012 event:

  • Lutefisk–it’s what made the vikings so mean.
  • I mean, c’mon–you come home after a long day of pillaging and what’s for dinner again?  Another round of Lutefisk Helper.
  • By the way, today’s event is officially sanctioned by the LEAAA—the Lutefisk Eaters Association of America…..Anonymous.
  • Yes, welcome to the competition that asks the question…..”Why?”
  • Oh, Lutefisk, oh, Lutefisk, what’s up with that aroma.   Oh, Lutefisk, oh, Lutefisk, can smell you from Tacoma.
  • By the way, before we continue, can we have a quick moment of silence for last year’s contestants.  OK, good enough.
  • A reminder to our contestants, in the event of an actual Lutefisk spill, masks will drop down automatically.  Please place it over your nose and breathe naturally until the hazardous waste team has finished cleaning up.
  • When Lutefisk is outlawed, only outlaws and Norwegians will have Lutefisk.
  • I’ve been asked, “Tim, what’s your favorite way to eat Lutefisk?”  My answer: drunk!
  • Today, our contestants are eating Biblical Lutefisk–the piece of cod that passes all understanding.
  • Before we begin, we’d like to sing hymn 232—-“Nearer, my cod to thee”
  • Remember, if you can’t say anything nice about Lutefisk, you’ve probably had it before.
  • Then there was the woman who tried to get rid of some skunks that were under her porch, so she put Lutefisk down there.  Now they’re gone, but she can’t get rid of the Norwegians.
  • What do they call former contestants again?  Oh, yeah….”Survivors.”
  • I haven’t seen this much jiggling since Thong Day down at LA Fitness!

And that’ll get you started.  There’ll be more for next year’s competition, I’m sure.

Remember, Lutefisk Eating is a spectator sport so, please, no wagering.

Tim Hunter

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